The Last Day of my First Semester of College
1:48 PM
“Time flies” is an understatement. Because the thing is, it doesn’t just glide or coast or flutter by. Time has hooked a jet pack to itself and it zooms across the sky so fast I’m left only seeing its contrails.
I’ve known that for a while, but it doesn’t stop me from wishing that I didn’t so often feel rushed. I finished my first semester of college yesterday. What?? It was incredible, BTW. And it’s December 15, and we’re about to start a new year here in a couple weeks. I told myself a few Christmases ago that I shouldn’t get sad when Christmas ends because there will just be another one next year. And it does come so soon. It’s as if each new year is trying to reach Christmas quicker than the previous year did.
I often footle on about how nice it would be if time slowed down, but there’s a reason for its constant moving and passing. I don’t know what that reason is; I don’t know the answers to all of my questions. But this semester, I learned to think about things.
A river is ever-flowing. The water you step into at one point is not the same water as was there before, nor is it the same after. Weather always changes. Especially in Utah, as they say. It’s warm, it’s cloudy, it rains, it warms up again. It snows but it doesn’t stick. Then it snows and sticks for about a day, and then it snows and sticks for a few weeks. And we don’t exactly see the process, but the snow slowly melts away, little by little, until it’s gone and the grass is visible once more.
We, too, are impermanent.
We are constantly changing in ways we can see or track and ways we can't. I lose strands of my hair every day but new hair grows to replace it. I learn something new daily too, and my brain takes in that information and processes it somehow. According to my Myers Briggs assessment results from a couple months ago, I’m an now an introvert as opposed to an extrovert like I used to be.
Without change, our relationships would stay stagnant and static too.
I'm a novice at this college thing--well, I'm probably an expert by now since I've now been through one whole semester--but I think I'm here to gain knowledge, to grow, and to evolve into a better version of myself. If there wasn't impermanence, if there was no change, those things would be impossible!
And time will not slow down.
So the next best option is to live. Right now. “Suck out all the marrow of life,” said Henry David Thoreau and quoted Mr. John Keating, a character from a movie that my family doesn’t really like but that made me weep. The marrow is whatever you make it, I suppose.
What is the marrow of your life?
You know what my Ancient Legacies professor said one day in class? He said, "We raise our young people to think they're not important yet. That they'll be important one day. That's bull$#!%. You're important now."
I was so moved by that. We are ENOUGH by just existing. And we can do ANYTHING we set our minds to.
So. I've been through one semester of my college career. I've met a whole lot of people. I've made some rad new friends. I've tired out my brain from thinking deeper than I ever have. I've gained confidence from trying to take risks in some of my classes. I've been working on mindfulness and being present. I've been reading my scriptures. I've been trying to be bold.
So. I've been through one semester of my college career. I've met a whole lot of people. I've made some rad new friends. I've tired out my brain from thinking deeper than I ever have. I've gained confidence from trying to take risks in some of my classes. I've been working on mindfulness and being present. I've been reading my scriptures. I've been trying to be bold.
And I'm going to keep trying, because no one else can taste the marrow for me. I saw this on a Roots of Knowledge panel in the UVU Library: "The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the second best time is today."
Here's to the end of first semester and the beginning of next. And here's to the present moment, because it's never too late to plant a tree.
Here's to the end of first semester and the beginning of next. And here's to the present moment, because it's never too late to plant a tree.
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