Whitney and I were walking away from the Gunther Technology building a couple weeks ago after our classes. In Acting I, we had just discussed the importance of not judging ourselves or others. Our professor said that everything we do within that classroom is perfect, so we should not be afraid to take risks and make mistakes. That's the only way we'll grow, right?

Well, let me just describe to you the feelings I get when I have to perform, even in front of our tiny class of ten students. I get a whooshing sensation in my stomach that simply won't go away. You could call it butterflies, but I'd call it moths because butterflies are pretty and this particular feeling isn't. I also get cold. (Those who know me and live with me, a.k.a Tori, know that I'm always cold, so that is admittedly not hard to come by. Literally I have goosebumps on my arms as I write this. But still.) I shake and I can't really breathe and I start sighing and fidgeting and just internally freaking out. It takes a few minutes after I do the exercise/scene in front of everyone for my body to regain equilibrium.

I wonder why this happens. Maybe it's because I have not yet fully grasped the idea that NO ONE in that room is actively seeking out my mistakes or hoping that I'll fail. So often, I as a human being think that everyone around me is judging me for how weird or untalented I am. I'm so worried about what the others think about me that I start to tremble. I know it's okay to feel nervous. In fact, it can be great. It can be an aid in many circumstances. The problem comes when it inhibits me from doing my very best.

Okay, so back to the story. As Whit and I walked down the sidewalk, we passed a girl coming from the other direction. Before I even had the opportunity to smile at her and say hello, she quickly said "don't judge me, it really helps."

...What?...

I had to do a double take as soon as she said those words, and it eventually dawned on me that she was referring to the fact that she was holding an umbrella, probably to protect herself from the sun. I mean, yeah, it's unusual, simply because most people wait for rain to pull out their umbrellas. But who cares? I certainly didn't, and neither did Whitney.

In that moment, I discovered that I had just seen a perfect example of the lesson we'd learned in Acting. The lesson about judging ourselves, judging others, and worrying about what other people think. I honestly did not think twice about her umbrella when she walked past. But she had clearly been so worried that we were judging her for the fact that she was carrying an umbrella in the sun.

People, no one is judging you for carrying an umbrella in the sun. And if they are, well good for them, but their opinion really shouldn't make a difference in your life.

That day I learned that I just need to be myself and be myself as hard as I can. In class, when we're literally moving our bodies in fluid motions to "sculpt" with one another, and when I stand up to do my monologue, or when I participate in a scene with a partner, I and everyone in the room will grow and learn so much more if I #justdoit. Am I right? Feel the butterflies, experience the shakiness, let it be, and then let it move you to take risks and share your light, and in turn, grow and help others grow as well.

And hey. You carry that umbrella in the sun with pride.