(This is Gabby's wall but it's the same idea as Aaron's)

I haven't written on here for a long time, and I don't really have any reasons for that, other than this: Sometimes words stop coming easily and I have other things to work on anyway, such as, I am leaving for my mission in 18 days.

Oh my goodness.

And I've just been trying to prepare physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. I've noticed that every day for the past while I feel a little tease from the base of my throat and the back of my eyes. Dude, ever.y.thing. makes me emotional for some reason. And I fight it when people are around. SO hard. For example, I was helping my brother stick photos from our childhood on his wall. See above photo.

As we worked, Aaron played music that was making me ridiculously nostalgic. (Music can do that to a person. Like today I was jamming to old favs such as this one, and it just gets me feeling all the feels.) I stared as hard as I could at the pictures as I stuck them with tape so Aaron wouldn't see me almost cry.

OR I've been studying The Book of Mormon, other books of scripture, prophetic teachings, and just other good material in general. And it just GETS me! Dad showed me a video this morning and Gabby thought I wouldn't like it because of the girl's singing. Honestly, though, I was absolutely touched and felt a warmth spread in my heart. Dad asked me if I liked it, but I couldn't talk for a second as I had to swallow my tears. Good news: I have allergy-induced chronic red eyes in the summertime so I can blame it on the allergies.

Pictured: minty tea and the freaking best book, people. I learned soooo much from it.

And hear this. (Well, I guess you won't be hearing it because you're reading it. So read this:) I toured the Missionary Training Center in Provo with my parents, Gabby, and Nathanael on Thursday night. How lucky am I, catching a glimpse of that place before I go to stay there for two months? I feel more at ease about the whole thing. And of course, as they showed us the video of missionaries in the MTC doing the Lord's work, I cried. Obvi.

Taiwan on the MTC map. HOLLA.

Gabby and me outside at the MTC. I know my dress looks really trippy from the computer.

Now. Unfortunately, there are other reasons for crying. Reasons that are less joyful, less grateful, less pleasant. I think that's something universal. The fact is, things are not always peachy. In our family, we're being peppered with random physical ailments right. This is not a sob story, promise. SO I won't go into much detail, but more than one of us are experiencing some sort of annoyance/illness. I've never seen my dad eat dinner the way he did the other night--aching head nested in his right hand, elbow on the table, slumped over as he was. He's okay, he is. Just having a particularly difficult evening. Also, Aaron hurt his hip. Today, in the midst of watching my mother struggle in some of her motherly and wifely duties, I had a question.

"Mom?" I began. "It just seems like life gets harder and harder. When you get married it seems dandy, but after a while it just gets stressful. Then you have kids and you stress even more! I mean. Is it even worth it? It's so much easier to have only oneself to worry about." 

"Of course it's worth it," she responded. And she explained why.

Pain becomes deeper when you love people deeply. Either bad things can happen to those people you love, or solid relationships wane or falter. This can make life difficult at times. But if we didn't suffer, there would be no way to feel the profound happiness that comes from loving those close to you. Mom said that she's never been more fulfilled in her life, serving us, being with us, the ones she loves.

As I think back on those pictures plastered on Aaron's wall, I remember those moments we had. They're so special. They, in some ways, have defined us, molded us into the people we are today. And every moment we get in the present may become pictures on our future walls. We must cherish them when they come. I'm so grateful to my mom and dad for raising my siblings and me. If God blesses me with a family of my own, I want to emulate my parents' example. And I want to continue to love people for the rest of my life like they do. I'm grateful for all the things we've been through as a family--even the grief, even the fear. Even the pain; because of those things, we have known exquisite joy.