You GUYS. I have finally started watching the Star Wars films in the order they were released. I took to heart the lectures I've received from all of my friends. Also it's May 4th. How fitting it will be for me to say May the 4th be with you.

Okay, so. Pictured above is the freshman cohort of the Theatre Bachelor of Fine Arts (BFA). They're also known as the Best Friends Always. I want to make mention of those people in my life not pictured above. There are too many to name individually, but I love them all so much.

I finished my first year of college. You can call me sophomore. Actually, call me missionary first. After that you can call me sophomore. Yesterday for my last final, Voice & Diction, I stood up in front of my class and told them the most important things I learned this semester. I'm going to tell you now, though in a few different words.

1. Don't take council from your fears
2. Acceptance

Believe it or not, these two concepts go really well together. Let me explain.

A while back, I questioned whether I really wanted to try to enter into the business of theatre. It's not easy. Actually, it's reeeally difficult for many reasons.This semester, I decided: to heck with it. Of course I want to do this. I love it. I love art, and I love telling stories. Little did I know, I love it so much it was keeping me awake at night. Finding its way into my dreams. I wanted (and want) to become a better actress and singer so much that I got scared to perform and scared to practice, because I didn't want to get worse.

Wait. Does that even make sense?

No. But I paid for it. I cracked from the pressure I was putting on myself. I was holding myself to an unreasonably high standard. I gave some poor performances because I was petrified and locked in my head. At one point, I'm pretty sure I had the worst performance of my entire life while singing a song in Masterclass. At least, that's how it felt. (In hindsight, these choking moments in front of my peers and teachers were teaching tools in their own way). I discovered, though, that I needed to stop taking council from my fears.

A relevant side note: Dad gifted me that phrase when I was worrying about serving a mission a couple months back. Don't take council from your fears. It's been one of my favorite gifts.

And I noticed that it really applied to my current situation as well. That voice inside my head that kept nagging me--you will never be good enough--was coming from a fearful, dark place. And I was listening to it! I was taking council from it by stressing and spreading negative energy to those I was around. I was frustrated. I was discouraged.

So I dusted myself off and decided to work against the fear. Ignore the voice, even if it was still speaking. I practiced and practiced so I could feel prepared for each of my final performances. I got up to share my work, pretended to be super confident, and was able to feel at peace. Those were the times when I felt best about what I'd given. I was able to give more than before.

Acceptance is woven through all of this. I had to accept that I easily get nervous. That's okay. I had to accept when I felt like I wasn't making massive strides of improvement. As long as I kept working hard, I could only move forward. Growing might be slow, but it would be inevitable. I also had to accept each of my experiences as they were. Sometimes I'd go to class and have a earth-shattering experience where everything clicked. Other times I'd go and simply not get it. I'd cry one day, laugh another, and feel absolutely nothing the next. I had to accept that everything is what it's going to be. And I am who I am. And that's enough.

I have a long way to go, but I'm eager and thirsty for more learning.

Well folks, that's all for today. I have more words in my heart but there they will stay for now. I am so grateful for this life.