At the beginning of this semester, I felt sad a lot. I realized that I was going to be much busier than I've been in a while, and I was going to have to work harder. This was especially jarring because I'd just gotten home from the one of the most blissful experiences of my life during Christmas break, when I did nothing but play with my family. Wow, I sound spoiled and whiny. I'm just telling the truth.

My friend Spencer, one night, caught Tori and me as we were walking up to our apartment at probably 9pm, and he said "Hey, we're watching such-and-such tonight, if you guys wanna...oh wait. You're going to bed. I know." And it was true. I've put myself on a tight bedtime schedule because I can't really function 100% if I don't get enough sleep. Lately, too, I usually feel like I want to bite people's heads off anytime past 11 o'clock. (That is not like me). So I've made certain that I've been asleep by then on most nights.

Little by little, I adjusted to my new classes and to the hours I'm meant to be doing homework or practicing singing/other voice work/whatever outside of class. I stopped feeling a deep detestation for those classes not involving art or moving my body around in ways that don't make sense but that come from an emotion. I started to find a bit of wiggle room--just a little--where I could read a few words from The Da Vinci Code or spend time with other humans in a lively social setting. If you're wondering, Gilmore Girls waits unfinished on my Netflix account because there are way more important things for me to do. Sad but true. And really, since it became an absolute necessity for me to spend my time more wisely, I've learned that it's not really that sad after all.

Among many things, I've learned this semester that cherishing time is essential to my feeling fulfilled. I've learned that cooking in the kitchen is my happy place. Some days (like Valentine's/Single's Awareness Day??) I make a decision to eat like 5 cookies and then I feel sick the next day. Therefore, at least in my heart I know not to make that decision. I've learned about stuff I really didn't care to learn about, such as head transplants, basic quantum mechanics theories, and chilling futuristic stuff. I've learned that I can choose what I do with all the information that I learn, and I can see every experience as something that grows me. When your work gets rejected, it sort of sucks but it can also encourage you to make your work better. Warm Bodies is not that good of a movie, people. Watching it last night for the first time in like three years confirmed that to me. Friends are so very important, and they validate, listen to, and support you. So I'm gonna stick around those people. I'm also going to keep Mom nearby, 'cause she's pretty much my bff.

I'm trying to be patient. Patient with the doctors who are taking forever and a day to send my medical information to my Bishop so we can proceed in submitting papers for me to serve a mission. Patient with myself when it comes to learning how to freaking sing. I almost bawled in voice lessons last Thursday when I just could not sing one vowel and a couple notes on the breath, and I wasn't lifting my soft palate, and just alllll the things. I love to sing and it isn't working out right now. I'm not improving as fast as I would like. The same issues are continuing to come up. I start to get discouraged. That love that I have for singing, however, drives me to keep trying. Even if it takes singing the same three notes over and over and over until I always have consistent air and soft-palate lift or whatever, I will keep trying.

Life is such a rollercoaster. Or. I like to think of it as brown bananas. If you're anything like me, you don't like eating brown bananas on their own because they're rather disgusting. You like the banana when it's barely yellow, still a little firm and not at all pasty. But when those bananas are brown, you can either look at them as rather disgusting and inedible, or you can freeze them for your green smoothie. Or make banana bread, or muffins, or cake, or whatever the heck floats your boat. I honestly believe that, and I think it's what gets me through the Mondays.

And I also think that loving and accepting others might really connect some cut strings. Imagine if more of us were to stop sharing what we hate on social media and start talking about what we love. Or if we were to include kinder, meaningful words in our every day conversations. Or if we were to help build things and not burn them down. I don't know. I've just been thinking about that lately, and on this President's Day I just hope that God blesses America.

P.S. in a smoothie with spinach, bananas pair well with frozen dark cherries, almond butter, and almond milk. Sounds a little questionable, I know, but believe me. It's delish.